Still on the Lymphoma journey

We had a few days to fill in and it was Ben’s Birthday weekend so we took Ben sky diving that weekend. It was a fantastic relief and break from worry. We had breakfast on Tims Thicket beach, near Mandurah, like we used to every new year when they were young.  Enjoyed a great bar-be-que breakfast while the kids swam in the fresh water. Then we travelled on down to Pinjarra for the jump.  6 of my family went. I didn’t – cant jump with a spleen like this what if it breaks? I didn’t want to anyhow – not a plane jumping out of kind of a girl. They were tiny tiny specks in the sky.  There was my family way above me…. We had a great day with beers and sausages on the barby some champers and nice fresh rolls with lots of tomato sauce. A good happy day was had. Cept my back. Man it was painful. I cant explain the pain.  Nothing could shift it.  No position would ease it.   Couldn’t sit or stand or lie. Damn stupid thing.

Tuesday came we were rushing of course and the traffic was bad.  As it always is when there is a worry.  Tense air between us.  I don’t want to go I want to stay home in my home where Im safe. All the way to Fremantle Im thinking why cant I just stay home. I didn’t know what to expect of my Dr, hadn’t really put much thought into it. I was like a robot moving from one minute to the next.  Dr Crawford is so gentle is unbelievable. He must be 70 im sure. He’s tall and Scottish and very softly spoken.  He felt my spleen –
“Yes its a big one, Im surprised you found it though”. He took down my details and he said very calmly “You are too well to have a spleen that big”.  He went on to draw a diagram “well, you have either – hairy cell leukemia – myeloma – which you don’t want to have – or a lymphoma.  Lets do a bone marrow.  Ring my office after lunch and we will tell you where and when.”  Man…. Hairy Cell? – cells with hairs?  Fixable with a tablet i was told – please let it be that. If Im going to have a hair problem let it be that hair problem is all I could think. We went for lunch at the Left Bank, in Fremantle.  Trying to make light of a situation we didn’t really know how to deal with – or what it was.  Its a sureal feeling this waiting.  I remember it was a beautiful day and nice hot chips was all i wanted. Some champagne and my hubby.  We then walked around a war memorial on the top of a hill that I didn’t even know was there. Why we were there I have no idea but we were. We made a few phone calls – people began to worry. (At this point I would make the choice again not to tell anyone for a while yet.  You don’t know yourself whats happening  and you cant explain enough. It makes the job hard. It gets everyone confused).  Every time you see a Doctor, you see, the diagnosis changes.  Every time you see the Dr you develop more trust for their knowledge and man they are the only ones that can help you – so you think.  Please let them have the answers – Im not ready to leave this world Ive got too much do to.  This isn’t fair is all I can think.