A Special Event in My Life.

So …. I bought a pack of TRIGGER Cards which are questions to encourage me to write more often and having drawn a card from the pack here goes my first attempt “Write about a special event in your life is the card I drew” …….   I had many ideas flashing around in my mind, but this one stuck out the most, so here goes …………

When I attended HLC2 with Paul Chek in Sydney, i discovered an inner part of me that I wasn’t aware existed up till that point,  it was the day I realized that GOD is within me, it isn’t something that I can worship and appeal to and try to do the better for. It is me. It is you. It is your Neighbor, Your Spouse, Your Daughter, Your Son, your Child. The trees, the plants, the animals, Simply……. God is in all of us. We are all a part of the tapestry of life, once we find this goodness and live our lives with our own intention, of loving and trying to improve our point of view, of always learning and listening to the voice inside, never judging or complaining about life, or situations, then the world would be a better place. To be at peace with all that you have. You see then we would be so intent on living our lives to our Souls Desire, that we would have no time to look at others and worry about how they live their life. We wouldn’t have time to worry about the small unnecessary things that bother us. Life is loving, Life is doing, Life is living and Life is for enjoying every moment of the day, with no doubt of fear or worry. You see All the worry you have will disappear the moment you take your last breath, so why worry at all? Why wait till then? Worry will only cause fear, and rejection, and all the ugly feelings that we all so don’t enjoy, so why have them? Worry will steal away from you moments of love and moments of feeling at ease. Worry will steal away beautiful friendships and amazing moments with those you love.

Easier said than done, I know this to be true.   As much as I try, and I try a LOT, it is difficult not to slip back into doubt and fear and feelings of rejection and emptyness………….If I was speaking to a younger me. To a me that at 16 was so very worried about how I fit into the world, then I would say, love yourself more. See the beauty in your skin and in your eyes and in your heart. I think as an adult if you took a photo out of your cupboard and saw yourself as a child, and kept that photo handy, that each time you felt worried or lonely or left out, or if you made a mistake, god forbid, then think how you would talk to that child in the photo. It would be so different to the “talk” that goes on in your head at these times. It was like a beacon shining brightly, when I discovered in one of my NLP courses that most people have this negative self talk in their minds all the time. Most of the day. I thought it was only me. This negative self talk can do so much damage on a cellular level, (think Bruce Lipton) we really have to be so very careful of the thoughts and words we utter about ourselves. Mostly, because our body can only hear this to be true. It doesn’t know that you are having a “moment” and that you don’t really mean the things you are thinking. Your body will respond just as it hears and feels. I challenge you to try and think more positively about who you are and the job that you are doing with your family, and with yourself. Life is ment to be good and full of happy exciting things. Of being grateful for the very trees that grow outside your window, and the beauty in the sky. We have so very much to be thankful for.

The Sole Connection

 

When it’s all said and done – we love our food. A nice warm slow cook on a cold winters day is enough to put a smile on anyone’s little face. Especially if you have come home from work and the house is warm and you can smell the goodness permeate your nostrils. It fills you with good feelings, homeliness and family. Is that fair to say? Makes you want to curl up and enjoy the feeling of a nice full belly and a warm home. I know I’ve just got home and my house is warm, and I have my cup of dandelion tea – with cream of course – and a nice piece of almond cake. It’s just delicious. My heart feels happy, my head feels light and I know that my body is going to love what I’m putting into it. Good food and good feelings – it’s a win.

 

Do you ever connect with your food? Do you ever think about the goodness that you are putting into your body and how your body is going to use that goodness? Is it going to use it to sleep better, or think clearer, or maybe make some good hormones? Everything we eat is the building block to who we will become both inside and out – literally.

 

You are what you eat is the saying we all know too well. I can’t tell you how strongly I agree with this, but we are what we “feel” as well. We are, what the “energy” in us is doing, at any point in the day. How we react, how we think, and how we move.   Indeed,   how the day progresses and how productive we are is a direct result of what we eat and what we feel.

 

You know if you munch down a box of chicken and a bag of chips from a take away in a cardboard container with a greaseproof wrap on it – what message are you giving to your body. To your conscience? If you grab a roll on a rush and peel back the glad wrap and much it down while you sit in traffic – what’s the message you are giving to your sole and your mind? While you grab a can of cool drink or a flavoured milk that’s full of sugar. How is that building good karma inside of you? Are you saying – hold on body I’m too rushed to care for you right now so this will have to do.   Carry on as normal please.

 

If you can take the time to consider the food that you eat. If you can connect with the food that you eat, and begin to understand or take note of what you are exactly putting into your body, your body will respond in a very positive way. It is said we should drink what we eat and eat what we drink. This means chew slowly, move the food around in your mouth before you gulp it down in a rush. Not only does it make you stop in your hurried day, but it also gets the correct enzymes working to start the digestion process. If you take note of how you feel after you eat that chicken or those chips or that bread roll, you will begin to see you might not feel so crash hot. You might feel lethargic and your tummy might be grumbly and sore. Perhaps there is a better way of eating or a better way of choosing what you fuel your body with. Take time to eat your meals. Take time to think where the food that’s on your plate has come from. I’m not talking organic (though I’d love to) or chemical free or any of that, I’m talking about who made the food, and how it got to your plate and how the journey of that food might reflect how your body uses it. Was the food rushed and packaged and “sold” or was it created with love and warmth and nourishment?   Was it frozen for a few months before you got to eat it or does it have a shelf life of a couple of years?   Is it full of numbers and words you cant pronounce? Do you even look at the ingredient label and see what the manufacturers are putting in there ?

You might say oh but its too dear, its too expensive to buy better quality, or chemical free, or even organic.   I’ll write another blog to cover this soon as its whole other topic that’s too long to enter in to right here.  Its food for thought you might say. Let me know what you think in the comments please – I’d love to hear your points of view.

 

 

Always in love and warmth – Lynda

 

 

 

 

Life as we know it with – Gluten

I’m very keen to share the gluten story as I see it.  You of course will have to make your own mind up, but here’s my take on it.  Do you remember white flour glue that we used to make when we were kids?  Flour and water?  Maybe you have to be a bit older to remember it, but we used to use it on school holidays to make paper mache’ and cover balloons – it held pretty well from what I remember.  Now ….  hold that gluey thought in your minds.

White flour is gluten rich.  It irritates your gut and irritates your brain, and it can pretty much irritate any organ in your body.  Your gut begins its life as a shag pile carpet  – by “gut” I do mean your intestines (small intestines and large intestines) not your stomach.  It has little villi – that you can imagine are tiny hairs, absorbing and utilizing the good nutrients you put in there.  Over the years gluten “glues them up” irritates them and turns your healthy shag pile “villi” into berber carpet.  Flat dull and useless.  Berber carpet became fashionable in the 80’s but it’s never fashionable in your gut!  When you have berber,  your gut can’t absorb the nutrients your body needs to function optimally or even at all!   So while you may be eating a fairly healthy diet, your body can’t use the nutrients your providing. Sometimes it even “costs you energy” to digest food that is nutrient poor and useless to your body.  No wonder we feel tired some times.  You can have a test for gluten intolerance but it only picks up a certain sensitivity.  I will say that since I’ve cut out gluten – which means anything with wheat in it or anything processed – sounds pretty boring huh? I’ve lost body fat, noticing my clothes are too big, my mind is clearer, my body has stopped its smaller aches and pains, my skin is better and tonight my hairdresser told me my hair is healthier too! Bonus I think.  Well I know its a bonus because I generally FEEL better.  Its been about 3 months maybe 4, and I can’t see myself going back to consuming gluten in any way.

I recently read the book “Grain Brain” this book will tell scientifically how gluten can affect your brain health.  To get a bit technical here when gluten is eaten with sugar – think pastries, white bread, muffins, chocolates, and just gluten in general, it causes inflammation in your body.  Not just inflammation of your gastrointestinal tract but also your arteries and your brain, joints, and other organs.  If you read Grain Brain – it will tell you that Gluten causes other issues in your brain as well.  It has even been suggested gluten is a pre curser for alzheimer’s and parkinson’s, and thats just the beginning.  The studies are still being done.  ADHD children can also benefit from a gluten free diet.  The book also suggests that the studies that are being carried out right now will take up to 17 years! yes 17 YEARS for the information to reach your GP let alone any specialists you may be seeing.   So me, and my generation, may well miss out on this important point of view.  Thats why I’m sharing this!

I know what you may be thinking.   Gluten yeah yeah yeah – its a new fad, blah blah blah,  Lo fat Hi Fat (more of this later) what are we supposed to eat right?   I’m right there with you.   I can’t quite believe the marketing out there and the ride that the larger companies are trying to sway us to get onto, with the gluten free message.  I mean, it was bought to my notice the other day that even gelatin is advertised as “gluten free” – well it has to be gluten free its made from bones and bone marrow and hooves.  So yes it’s – gluten free – bet your bottom dollar. I guess you have to use your own sense of whats right and wrong in regards to gluten but starting with wheat is the best way to recognize gluten.  I would say give a gluten free diet a red hot go!  What have you go to loose?   If you notice you are fidgety, can’t settle, have jumpy legs, brain fog, arthritis creeping in, strong menopause and pre-menstrual issues, gut issues, poop issues, (yes that word is poop – too much or too little) – bloating etc. gluten may well be the little guy you DON’T need.   As well in the past three months I’ve begun to include bone broths and more fat, which has also helped with my skin and hair, and joints.   (Lets quietly hope – nope loudly hope!  it builds good muscles for my bike riding too! – I’m expecting this!)

I’ll write some more about this in the next few days as its very close to my heart and I have so much knowledge floating around in my now non grain brain – that I need to share it.  Little at a time as there is so much to absorb.  I can say if you are considering going gluten free – start small, gluten is everywhere, and for some of us its easier to get rid of gluten than others.  Start where it feels comfortable for you – I know you will feel a difference in time and your gut villi and your brain ? will become your very very best friends!

 

Always in love and warmth ….. Lynda

 

 

 

2008 what was I doing?

Strange you may ask, yesterday my daughter handed me a bunch of photos that we had taken a few years ago.  Some of them happened to be around 2008 – how weird is that.  In 2008 of course we were all younger.  My kids were younger and we were more “parents” than we are now.  They needed us more, or so we thought.  As I looked at the photos of my children’s fresh faces and indeed ours too, I began to think about the wisdom we have all developed since 2008.  In 2008 my kids were still just kids.  Naive and fresh of heart and expectations.  In the years that have followed they have all learnt new things.  They have learnt how the world works and as a Mumma it has been hard watching them learn, and hurt, and then rejoice in the learning they have received.  When I look at their fresh faces, I wonder what they would have thought if they had known what the future held for them.  Albeit a small future really in the scheme of time.  We are talking 6 years.  I guess 6 years is a long time in their life – its almost a third of their lives, 6 years to me doesn’t seem so long.  Except sometimes it does!! Although a lot has happened in that time.  As I look at my face in 2008 I can see a younger woman full of expectations.  Not ever thinking that I would develop cancer, that I would need treatments to get me to 2014.  Operations and lots of self learning.  All good learning of course.  I have learnt to accept people as they are in an easier way.  I’ve learnt that people make their own decisions for themselves and wether or not I think they are right is not really my business.  I mean I can feel for people and I can watch them work things out and I can almost feel that they are going about things the “wrong way’ but thats my expectation – not theirs.  I’ve learnt that family is very very precious.  That the growing together of experiences makes a family closer.  I don’t know if its because Im a child of the 10 pound pom generation but families for me haven’t had a lot of meaning.  My “family” were all in another country so it was hard to make relationships with them in the beginning.  Especially as they were so far away but we didn’t have text and facebook and emails to keep in touch.  I didn’t really know what Nan’s and Grandad’s were or aunties really.  Like I knew I had aunties and Uncles and Nan’s and cousins etc. but I didn’t realise the relationship you can have with them.  Very special relationships that I’ve only really found in the past 10 years or so.    Ive also learnt to slow down and not to pressure myself, because what does pressure do?  It only ends up bringing tiredness and stress and injury.  So Im kinder to myself and those around me.  Im keener now to sit with a family member and chat than push myself to the end of the earth for what reason?  I still  like to exercise and I still enjoy the adrenalin of pushing myself to the edge, but I do it less and I feel better for it.  I feel restful and in control.  I guess thats the main thing Ive learnt since 2008 – to rest and be in control of me and my time.  To use my time wisely and to let no one else rob me of this time too easily.

Sore back and ageing!

You know this getting older thing is annoying me.  Im 51 yes im 51 and lately iI’ve been feeling like im 79 !!  My back has been so sore and I cant for the life of me figure out why.  I mean its even stopping me from getting dressed in the mornings properly – I have to sit on the bed to put any pants or shorts on.  How has that happened? Now that I’m officially a Nanna I want to be the kind of Nanna that has a spring in her step forever!  I want to be the fun Nanna.  Its been getting progressively worse and its starting to really be a pain in the neck or the back whichever way you look.  Ive even found it hard to ride my bike!!  Which is annoying the hell out of me to be honest.  I used to be fairly fast and I used to be one of the stronger riders in my ride group but just lately – i’m lagging behind i feel.  Its not a good look for me and it doesn’t sit comfortably within.  I keep thinking pedal more do more hills get stronger but it makes my back so sore its unbelievable.  Its frustrating.  I don’t want to take nurofen or anti inflams because i know what it does to gut health.  Gut health is a huge topic in my household, especially since i’ve just finished listening to theglutensummit.com.  Its scary.  So inflammatories for me are not a choice.  I lay in bed this morning thinking what can I do? Is this how the rest of my life is going to pan out or can I make a difference.  I’ve been listening to other cyclists talking about stretching and tight ham strings etc.  It seems everyone has a stretching problem or a muscle soreness of some sort.  

 

Those that know me a little will know that I’ve been doing some study on health and food and disease.  Having had Lymphoma and trying to keep well from it this of course is a huge topic for me. Food and health – let thy food be thy medicine and medicine thy food. (Hippocrates)  is a phrase that passes in my mind most of the day.  Anyhow through this food coaching I came across primal move and Geez why did I ever forget it.  Im excited because this morning I found a fantastic U Tube video see it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zuUV6fz-i and so I did a primal move work out.  It wasn’t easy.  They toe grabbing sitting butterfly thing took me a while and I’m in no way as nimble as they guy in the video – guess thats why he is doing the video and Im not.  Besides my wifi not working on my beautiful deck and having to revert to the lawn, fending off my licky dogs and ants!! Ants can get everywhere and bite!  Sound that decided not to work on the Ipad – geez,  I finally did the video.  The end result is a very fine feeling back, with much reduced pain and a happy camper in this body.   Hooray!!  Ill keep you updated and see if this makes a difference.  Have a go yourself it was truely fantastic. 

A Wonderful Ending……

The day of surgery loomed close. I read a lot and rested a lot, i threw out all my expensive skin care products that were full of chemicals I didn’t need, this spleen seemed to be getting larger and I was worried it was going to burst. If only I had known then what it looked like I think I would’ve still cycled everyday. I had asked Dr Archer for a photo. There was so much to think about – so much worrying to do – so much time to fill and I just wanted to concentrate on getting my blood matched and my butt on that table so I could have this damn thing removed. I resented it for growing. Everything seemed too hard to do. Everything felt heavy every thought was deep. It wasn’t a good time.

I went on the Thursday before to have my bloods done. Back to the Mount I went. I was scared of driving and Scared to the absolute death they wouldn’t be able to cross match. I sat waiting and a young girl called me in. Are we up to 10/11 bloods now? She sat me down on the chair and flumped herself down on one next to me “I feel like shit – look at my eyes they are hanging out of my head – don’t know what’s wrong with me – they wont stop streaming” all the while she is taking my blood. Im asking her “Is it hay fever, are they itchy?” “Don’t know but look at them how am I supposed to look at patients with these damn red things?” She made me laugh. I wished I’d been with her the night before seemed like she’d had a heap of fun. To be young to be free to not have this disease. How wonderful would that be. The good thing for me is that I was out of there without even noticing the blood test and she had also reassured me that my blood would be fine “Go home – stop worrying” Easy to say. She walked out to the pharmacy to get something to fix her eyes and we parted way. Me smiling and laughing and her. I went to get my hair done. I still didn’t believe I’d be having this surgery till I knew the bloods were matched. Even though I was booked in and everything was in place – I didn’t want to get too excited. Excited? Wrong word – what is the word I don’t know. Confident perhaps. I didn’t want to get too confident that this would go ahead till I was in the hospital. I had a number to ring the blood bank on Saturday to make sure my blood was matched. Yes it was. YES IT WAS !!! ( I cant explain the exhileration I felt here – looking back now I can see I was over worrying but it is just something that happens and if you could take a good look at yourself and give yourself a good slap then perhaps the worry wouldnt be so bad)

I was too scared to tell any one incase i jinxed myself. Monday came I got to hospital I sent a few text and I was in that operating room before I could say anything. I cried to theatre. I didn’t have a pre med – so I climbed onto the table. The anaethatist had wanted me to have a pre med – think it makes their life a bit easier and calms the paitent – but it took ages to work last time and I only had half an hour from pre med to surgery. So I climbed onto the theatre bed. Noticed all the many many instruments proudly displayed in their green linen lined cubicles. The anaethatist said “What do you do for a crust?” “Im a real estate agent I said?” the Nurse piped up “ A real estate agent?””Yes” I said “but that doesn’t mean you cant look after me properly while im asleep” Last thing I heard was her giggle. I woke up with a mask a catheter, a wonderful feelling of drugs and my lovely family smiling. Hooray ive lived. Hooray ive come through. The male nurse was great. He kept laughing at me with my questions and Leana was reading all about my morphine pump telling me when I could pump next. Bernie had a straw cup to feed me water and all I wanted was to go home. Tim Elle and Ben came in at night. Leana stayed most of the day from memory as did Bernie. Those first few days were a blurr but I remember Dr Archer coming to see me later in the night with the aneathatist to make sure I was ok. He also came the next morning. We have you on “Liquids for a few days – gives things time to settle down”. “Whats all this pain I have in my tummy?” “Well we had to move things around takes time for them to settle you’ll be ok soon.” I got brave to look at my dressing a large plastic soft dressing stretched across my wound. I noticed it was made to look like skin. It had pore like things in it. Weird. Anyhow it was dark for my skin tone I noticed that. Liquids I can tell you is not your favourite meal. It does not fill you up. When i was cycling I ate good meals. Now I was hungry. Dr Archer came in the next morning – another day of surgery for him – “How are you feeling?” “Hungry” he then moved the food level up to “nourishing liquids” nourishing liquids – stewed apple, yoghurt juice? Oh man im hungry. My stomach was growling. “Im hungry “ – the next day – “ I have pain. My stomachs growling” “Ok you can eat light meals now – the pain is wind it will go.” He came the next day and I had had a shower my catheter was gone but I had my friendly drain. That was my new best friend. I could walk i could sit I could get out of bed my morphine pump was gone but man this wind pain was a whole new experience. “Why are my ribs so sore?” “Well we had to use the retracter to move them out of the way. They will be sore for a few weeks till they settle back down and heal”. The retractor to move my ribs OUT OF THE WAY? My friend said “They really had you open didn’t they?” Dr Crawford came to see me – couldn’t believe how well I looked 4 days after surgery and said “Come see me at the end of june we will have the full biopsy back then.”

I had so many flowers, chocolates, cards etc I felt really spoilt. Bernie bought me the prettiest bunch of 16 roses as he said that’s when we met. When I was 16. I cried. I was so full of emotion it is hard to explain.
It has taken me 6 weeks to get my strength back. If you ever have to have any open surgery expect to sit still for 4 weeks at least. Because I think Im Super Woman I always tend to try and do to much. Trust in your Doctors. Doctor Archer told me 6 – 8 weeks and he was right. The pain in my ribs did go thank god – most painful – my tummy that had been moved around did settle down and after 4 weeks i could eat normally again. We had kept wanting to go out to dinner just to change the scenery but I couldn’t eat it would’ve been a waste of money. Ive lost 9 kg. I feel absolutely tremendous. I feel full of energy, I feel like a new person. I started driving after 4 weeks and this week ive done my first hills cycle I feel amazing. Everyone tells me you have never looked so well. My eyes are bright my skin is good and I’m starting to smile again. I did get a photo of my spleen a most awful looking thing. 2.2 kg same shape as a 2kg bag of sugar creamy and bloody hard and full. Could’ve ridden there was no way in hell that was rupturing.
Ive been back to see my gorgeous Dr Crawford, waiting yet another month as they were biopsing my large spleen, and my diagnosis is pretty much the same. He said there is nothing “nasty” in there and you have Lo Grade Spleenic B Cell Non Hodgkins Lymphoma”. I can now say that without crying. The new part is the “Spleen” part. Dr Crawford explained that this disease is very slow growing and mostly affects older people. Generally they don’t even realise they have the disease and something else usually ends up taking their life. Very few of them need treatment.

So for me this is all good. Except i’m youngish and will need some treatment. I feel now I can talk to people because I know what Im dealing with. Dr Crawford suggested some mabthera treatment and – if I wanted -chemotherapy. I asked him what would he do in my instance. If it was his family member what woud he do. He said “ if it was my dear family member I would suggest mabthera”, so this is what we decided. I was booked to have the treatment the following Thursday. 2 days after my visit with my Dr. We arrived at the hospital at 4pm as required. Bernie and Me, and Leana came along soon after. Next time I will take bed socks and my own cup and some green tea and a little eski of some good healthy food. Spelt bread avocado and tomato cut up. I got hungry during the night and all that was there to eat was sweet biscuits. Didn’t want to feed these cancer cells or give them energy while my precious life saver worked – I wanted to destroy them. The Nurses booked me first into a shared room. I wasn’t keen for that. I wasn’t sure how this would affect me and I needed to be able to read all night if I wanted to . Not disturb another patient. Anyhow after I’d settled in on the bed the Nurse came and said “don’t get comfortable we’ve got a room for you a single one we just needed to clean if after the last patient”. So off I went to my single room. Room 222. All the rooms around me were full of people having chemotherapy or mabthera or both. Its a weird feeling. Here I was belonging. Another great view over the river and Mounts Bay Road.

I like these rooms as there is a verandah and it reminds me of sitting at home on my verandah in the mornings – when I take my tea out there. They came and took my blood pressure and placed a canulla in the back of my hand – i thought that would hurt more than it did – and then started a saline drip. The “Mabthera” arrived and honestly it could have been another saline drip except for the writing on the side “Rituximab” – so here was my saviour. All this time wondering what it would be like and there it was. Where was the orchestra announcing its arrival – No secret container nothing. The Nurse placed the Litre bag up on the drip stand and it started its silent journey into my veins seeking out these lymphoma cells in my body. Dr Crawford popped in to say hello and make sure I was ok and left us to it. I had heaps of questions but my mind was busy expecting …. What would I feel? Would it be hot or “Zap” “Kabang” “Boom”? Nope nothing. Just silently – like this disease has silently crept up on me. Lymphoma has many many different types under the name of Lymphoma there is Hodgkins, Non Hodkins and under Non Hodgkins there is an umbrella of all different types. MALT, Cutaneous, T CeLL, B Cell, low grade, medium grade, aggressive. I can not imagine how clever the patholoigists are at diagnosing each and every one, and spotting the difference.

As each body is so different and responds so differently to these diseases. Take me, all I really had was a large spleen that I found by accident. I was a bit clammy during the day but I’d really put that down to the hot summer Perth had just had and the fact that im 48 – i know the dreaded hot flushes mustve been coming soon. The only other symptom I now know that i had was a type of “Smokers cough”. Thats all I can explain it as. It was a deep throaty cough – another symptom. No dramatic weight loss and no extreme tiredness. My blood count showed a low number of white blood cells and my red cells were normal. I’d been cycling 140 – 180 kpw, So actually anything could’ve been going on and I would not have known. I did notice in the last few rides I was starting to drop off the back – couldn’t quite keep up, as well I was bruising ever so easily. That’s because I had very low platlets. So my silent saviour continued to feed into my canulla. Bernie stayed till 10 Leana left at about 7.30ish and I spent the whole night worrying. What if this didn’t work. What if the government funding cut me off – even though I pay my private insurance. What if they said well thats it your treatments done no more for you Missy! I felt so scared but so safe in the hospital. The Nurses are lovely but I will say you need to listen to your Doctor. The drip finished its job by around 10.30 and then it was removed. Canulla has to stay in till the morning. Apparently with mabthera there is a chance of a reaction and they may need the canulla to put other drugs into. Reactions such as wheezing, heart paplatations, fevers, chills etc. You see the drug stimulates your immune response so you can have an analeptic shock. Dr Crawford popped his head into my room at 8am. “You did well,” he said “No reaction and as 95% of the disease was removed with your spleen you hardly have any disease left in your body.” I asked him if they would ever cut off the treatment and he said no so I felt better. I’m still not sure how this drug works and I wasn’t sure if it had killed all the lymphoma cells and then they grow again or if it kills most on the first infusion. I’ve still got to find this out, but I do know that on the first infusion the half life of the drug is 60 hours and it becomes longer each time. The dosage is worked out on body mass weight by height. I tell you when I woke up I was scared to Wee in case I weed this precious liquid out!! I wanted to hold it in, re cycle it and keep it doing its job! Dr Crawford explained I will need 7 more of these and each time I have to stay in over night. Small price to pay. Then we will rescan as I have no physical sign of the disease – no lymph nodes to check the progress of this drug so I will have to be rescanned in February or March 2012. My Dr is very optimistic. Lets hope and trust that he is right ☺

Bone Marrow Biopsy

We rang Dr Crawfords rooms for our appointment, “Yes – come into the Mount Hospital tomorrow night, Wednesday, you’ll need to stay the night and Dr Crawford will do the procedure Thursday morning”. That’s that …. we are set the journey has begun. Dr Crawford had also ordered extra bloods and another CT scan as he wasn’t happy with the firs tone. He wanted the “Best” guy in Perth to read them. Incidentally we do have the best Dr’s in Perth for Lymphoma. The Haematologist’s at Charlie Gardiner Hospital are renown for their knowledge and research. I’d also had the extra bloods, another CT scan and I was booked in for a PET scan. A PET scan is a sugary radiation medium. Cancer cells absorb sugar. So before the test you have to starve for 6 hours with NO sugar at all. Can’t even sniff it. Then when its your turn for the scan. The “injection” which is in a sugar medium I believe, comes in a lead container. The operator nurse isn’t even able to touch it. It is sealed. The machine injects you as the stuff is radioactive. Nice. More poison in my body. Anyhow you also have to lay still for an hour – not even reading a book while you wait for your cells to absorb the solution and then you can have your PET scan which takes about 30 seconds. It was pretty awful to say the least. Then once its done you go home and wait. Some More. I haven’t even had a diagnosis yet. So If anyone asks me I don’t know what to say.

My Eldest daughter turned up at home in the evening. She cooked me a massive soup full of every vegetable she could find – she threw away all my “poison” cleaning products she replaced them with green products. She bought vitamins she bought minerals she looked terrible. I felt so bad for causing the worry. I wanted to tell her I’ll be ok but how could I – I didn’t know my self. She stuck my side for a few days. She couldn’t work she couldn’t study. What have I done, I thought, should I have waited to tell her. You never know what is the right thing to do. In hindsight 3 months down the track I would’ve waited.

The CT scan came back – no spot on my lung – wrong diagnosis there (hooray) but I had an enlarged spleen and some unusual tissue beneath my diaphragm bit of cancer in my throat but nothing “remarkable”. Geez ……… I had to laugh at that.
We got to the hospital at 4pm as directed – there was a nurse waiting to usher me upstairs. She took me in an elbow hug kind of a way and left Bernie standing with my bag and walked me to the lift. “Wow this is service” Why is she here – is this worse is there something I don’t know. Why isn’t she telling me things. She then said “Dr Crawford wants to do a special procedure for you tonight. “Oh is there something wrong – have the blood tests come back with something new?” That was the 2nd and 3rd needle prick I forgot to tell you that. You have all your tests done with your GP and then your specialist requires a whole knew set of everything reported by people he knows and trusts. Fair enough I guess but tell my arms that. We breeze upstairs, there is Dr Crawford chatting to the Nurses “Look who I have” my usher announces. He waves and she takes me to a room with a wonderful view of the swan river. We sit for a few minutes by ourselves. On the wall is a little prayer for cancer patients. “Wow thats me that hit me like a tonne of bricks. Im here thats me that IS me.” Dr Crawford came in “We will do the BM now he said – no point waiting” “Did the bloods come back with something bad? Are you rushing because its bad?” “No,” he said there’s no point waiting for tomorrow I want to get this on the plane tonight to Melbourne – they take 5 days to do their testing so they’ll be back for Monday that’s all.” I searched his face can I believe him? Is he worried. Nothing ….. he has an excellent poker face. So I said “Aren’t you putting me to sleep for this?” “Do you think you need it?” he asks, “I can give you something?” “No its ok,” I replied “we want to go out for dinner after, so I’ll need to be awake really.” Here I was having a Bone Marrow Biopsy and planning dinner out. Tell me if that’s odd. Anyhow, its a strange feeling a BM biopsy. Local in the skin of your back. Then a screwing tool to take a core out. Think he did 3 or 4 and the only hurty part was a twinge of sciatica down my right leg. Took probably 20 mins. “Right,” he said” your a good patient all done.” UP I jumped – “Stay there you’ll need to lay on your back for 30 minutes”. “Can I see – can I see my bone marrow?” “Sure look here” he pointed to the slides, “its not myeloma (think thats what he said – too many terms for me) I can tell you as your bone marrow would be white.” “Great? I think I said”, as I checked out the gooey stuff on the glass plates. Bone Marrow…hmm whats in that sample I thought. “You’ve got tough skin it was hard to get that through and your bones are very strong – like a mans”. “So my cycling has paid off then” I joked. He left with my bone marrow sent it to the airport with a courier and we left to go back to the Bridge Cafe for dinner. We had 3 entrees to share. Wine Coffee dessert each. Some desert wine and went back the hospital. It was weirdly a nice night. Bernie went home at around 11 and I slept. Thinking I’m in this room i’ve had BM biopsy and Im a bit tipsy. …………………..had to pinch myself.